crack in the pot (a stream of consciousness)
I can’t shake this feeling of wanting a different life.
A life where I’m not in Las Vegas.
I’m living on my own – maybe a roommate.
A life where I dress myself like art and move and take pictures as if I’m walking art.
I have creative, passionate pursuits.
I travel to exotic cultures and ecosystems and could care less about who likes me.
I feel inspired when I wake up in the city I live. Inspired…
white & black (a poem)
Awakening is a mind trick.
I am either
Awake
Or asleep.
I may go back and forth hundreds of times a day,
but it’s never gray.
Ego loves gray.
Impatience is a lack of cooperation.
Cooperation is being in flow of what is.
-Mars retrograde to direct ’18
Virgo season mantra (a poem)
My routine is who I am.
If I am not who I am,
I may change routine to unfold the self I truly am.
Step by step.
Faith
Judgement came and its judgement within.
I accept that I created the situations around me and I’m responsible for where I am and how I feel. Things may not feel fair, but they are.
This is not a cruel thing by any means. I feel freed now by realizing fully that I’m laying the bed I made and every one involved did the right thing.
Nat did the right thing moving on and cutting communication. I…
feels #lyrics
FEEL; Kendrick Lamar & Chelsea Blythe
[Verse 1: Kendrick Lamar]
I feel like a chip on my shoulders
I feel like I’m losin’ my focus
I feel like I’m losin’ my patience
I feel like my thoughts in the basement
Feel like, I feel like you’re miseducated
Feel like I don’t wanna be bothered
I feel like you may be the problem
I feel like it ain’t no tomorrow, fuck the worldThe world is endin’, I’m done…
life vomit twenty eighteen
I need to get this out –
I don’t even know where to start. So much has been ending. Work has a new beginning.
My life last year felt almost like I was flying too high to the sun, and I got burned.
And people are burned away from my life.
My mom.
Liz.
Linda, now.
Lauren, my oldest sister.
I feel like I most likely burned the bridge between Nathalie and I – I’m holding a light for our friendship in…
tarot draw, “how should I break up with her?”
tarot draw, “how should I break up with her?”
First card: Knight of Cups – represents me in the past/now, thinking with my heart rather my head and living in the honeymoon romance mindset, thinking this could really end up being the love of my life. Clarifier: Ace of Wands reversed – When I was in the mind space of the Knight of Cups, my spiritual opportunities where delayed and this way of feeling by my heart only, brought on a lot of…
virgo full moon
I predicted this full moon on March 1 to be generally centered around health – I’m not an experienced astrologer by any means so how really would I have predicted exactly how that could come about in my life and in the lives of those around me? Now, I know of at least three ways health focused full moons could express itself. Last week my stepmom Kim told me her doctor had four other doctors…
a moderately happy post
There are some good things happening. I was lucky enough to be able to keep Liz as my friend, and not just a “friend” but a close friend. I’m unsure how I’ll handle it when she moves on, I’m sure it will hurt, but it’s in no comparison to the pain she felt when I broke things off. Granted, I felt a lot of pain leading up to the break up, Unbeknownst to her. The girl my heart is calling towards is…
here, again.
Feeling out of luck with friends – feeling like there’s no one I know who is my partner in crime. My go-to. Where are you? The one who’s into edm music and loves dancing. The one who I can trip with, smoke with, drink with – vibe inter-dimensionally with. The one who’s up for adventure. The one who loves to laugh and live life. Where the fuck are you? And where am I.
current conclusion
LOVE YOURSELF AND DON”T TAKE LIFE SO SERIOUSLY. LAUGH. BE SILLY. Remember – I can make any situation silly and lighthearted. Choose it. Be my funny self. This state of being is where I feel the BEST. I’m always in a constant state of being – choose to be silly and goofy – I will remember to feel my gut light up with joy. I’m gonna get good sleep so I can be this person and exchange this fun,…
Embrace it
I want to start over. I want to start fresh. Where no one knows me and I can start over. I want to runaway and get all the things I want out of life. I love my friends but I’m in need of others who are like me. I need people who get me. I’m discontent… living in this valley when there is so much happening elsewhere. I can’t keep doing this. I need a new beginning and get away from the same old…
Patience is a hard game
Can I own up to my feelings and stop being scared of their consequences? The consequences will happen no matter what fear I fall into – The fear of my own feelings and sharing them Or the fear of hurting someone because of how I feel? The later will come eventually. How long am I willing to let that go on? Not long. It kills me inside knowing this and having to tell her for the fourth time. But…
